I Did It My Way?
by TesubCalle
Summary: Joan reflects briefly on her life since God, and knows as we all do she still has a long way to go in understanding His mysterious ways...


**Disclaimer:** Standard business: I don't own these characters. Joan of Arcadia was created by Barbara Hall, and God was created by Himself. So please don't sue or smite me. This is simply a work of fiction.

**I Did it My Way?**

By: TesubCalle

I suppose a charitable description of me, Joan Girardi, would be 'average' in just about every category. 

Looks? Okay. 

Brains? Heh! Yeah, well, let's not go there.

Popularity factor? I'm a total zero to majority of the student body at Arcadia High. It _is_ possible I have a certain notoriety because of the parental units; my Mother actually has the worst job a teen could ask for: the Desk Lady at the school office, and Dad is the ex-police chief now back in his detective shoes. 

The one (probably) not-so-average thing about me is this  (and I swear I am not insane): God talks to me. 

(God, that sounds so loony-bin already!)

And I don't just, like, _hear_ Him, He appears (scratch that; He 'abides') anyway, whatever, He _shows up_ in places and…talks to me. And in case this sounds like a desirable event, try having God show up in the guise of a variety of people so you don't know if it's, well…_Him_. I've lost track of His personas, if I can call them that.

There's the first one ever - the one I secretly wish He'd just stick with (it would make things so much more pleasant to deal with…sigh) – this really, really (and I mean _really_)_ cute _guy…

Then there's the time He was the maintenance guy; substitute teacher; homeless bum; guest lecturer; substitute teacher; a little girl playing in the park; a lady jogging; even a liquor store clerk! And that's just for starters. Sometimes he repeats Himself, but I guess He knows what He's doing. Maybe He likes playing in the park with rubber balls.

Okay, so getting the hang of His eccentric choice of characters is one thing. Before you're even bored with that, He begins to expect things of you. At least He does with me, anyway. And what He expects is generally way weird. 

Like, _why_ would God want me to (among other things):

A: Find a job?? I'm sixteen!

B: Join A.P. Chem?? (Okay, so He didn't specify that I do that, He wanted me to challenge myself, or something…)

C: Learn to play chess??

D: Build a boat (_Hello _– Do I look like Moses or something? Oh, wait…was that Noah?)

E: Try out for cheerleading??

F: Study hard for a lousy History exam?

G: Convince Adam not to submit his sculpture to the Art Show?

H: Learn to drive?

I: Throw a party? (While the parental units were gone, even!)

I don't ever get a straight answer. He talks about me 'fulfilling my potential' and all that, how my actions are a 'catalyst' for other, larger events. Yeah. Events like totally alienating Adam when I had that convenient 'failure of imagination' when I took a chair to his art. That hurt the most, knowing that my failure had the worst repercussions. How is it _I_ get to be the target of His crazy directives? I'm pretty sure there are a lot of people out there who are a lot more capable and more willing to do His bidding. I never asked to be spoken to by God. 

Is any of this making sense? 

Would any of it make sense if I told someone?

It's just…I can't figure God out. He doesn't bargain, He says. That would be cruel. He never answers my 'Why?' questions. And then He acts almost hurt when people don't give Him enough credit for the things He does; that people are ungrateful; that people think he's way too serious; and that people don't understand Him. Well, _duh!_ If He'd just stop being so cryptic all the time…

'God works in mysterious ways' is a saying that has been floating around forever. Yeah, well, I'm the queen of doing mysterious things that work to make me seem like I'm bi-polar. (No offense to people who really… are…like that…) And it's all because of Him! Whenever I think I've figured out His reasons for asking me to do something, He gets this look in His face (or _her_ face, depending on who He has chosen to be at that moment) like He's patronizing me. Only deep down, I guess I know He's not. 

Why do I keep doing what God tells me to do? 

I don't have an answer to that. 

Maybe I don't want to be 'average' anymore. Maybe there really is something to this whole fulfilling my destiny thing. Maybe I have done some good things because of what God has asked me to do. 

But I draw the line at being burned at the stake, or some other crazy thing that other people who have claimed to have been on a mission from God have done in the past…

Okay, God? 


End file.
